My boyfriend and I had many problems in the past because of his jealousy but he had promised to work on it and change which he did. We barely ever had fights anymore and I was so happy with him. I have stupid mental health problems which make me so anxious and I become obsessed with certain topics and I worry about it over and over again. This topic was about having kids. I was terrified that he would leave me or be unhappy without kids but he said he would be happy with me either way. I was an idiot and the anxiety would get to me and I’d keep asking to see if his mind had changed or not since he had changed it a couple times before.
The last time I asked he told me we wanted different things in life and that he had lied to me about what he wanted and then he broke up with me. I thought it was because he wanted to have kids and join the military and I was getting in the way of it. I posted my situation on another subreddit talking about how my boyfriend left me because he lied about wanting kids and I got so many comments of people calling him trash and an asshole and saying I’m better without him or that I dodged a bullet. He saw it all and was devastated. Later on he told me in reality he left because he thought he was the cause of my anxiety and mental health issues so he just used the excuse of wanting different things instead of telling me why he was leaving.
I told him I loved him and forgave him and wanted him back but he’s completely depressed and even seems suicidal. He keeps saying he deserves no one or anything and doesn’t want to be around friends or family. He says he’s going to join the military to hopefully die. He constantly says he hates himself and talks about how all the people on the post also said he was horrible and he believes it. He thinks he’s abusive and is going into a deep depression and I can’t convince him that those people were all wrong. I literally ruined his life he has no more ambitions anymore and spends his days in bed depressed because he thinks he ruined my life. Ever since our breakup which was a week ago I feel so guilty and depressed and I just want him back and I want him to forgive himself.
What can I do to help him?