My wife left me today. This time she’s serious. My life is ruined and I don’t know how to fix it.
I will tell my story to a bunch of strangers. Here it goes.
I was born on a Reservation in northern Minnesota, I’m a half breed native, my mom was a Native woman and my father was a white druggy that walked out on us when I was 5, for as long as I can remember, I was terrorized by my mom, she beat me everyday, choked me until I would pass out. Psychologically destroyed me, when I was 12, they put my mother in a state hospital for the insane. They separated me from my siblings, I didn’t see them again for over 10 years.
When I was 18, I enlisted in the military with the hope I would be able to go to combat and end my suffering there. Instead I blew my knee out in training and was discharged. I became homeless and an alcoholic after this.
When I was 28, I got myself cleaned up, met the woman of my dreams, got married and everything was amazing, I love her with all my heart and soul. Until she became pregnant with my son, I started hearing voices, my mother telling me horrible things, my own voice filling my head with doubt. Eventually I did what I thought I could never do, cheat on my wife. I met someone, we met once, shared a kiss, but that was too much and I couldn’t have sex, I broke it off shortly after.
My wife found out, and I’m incredibly remorseful about everything I put my wife through, but as much as I try, the voices remain, the thoughts, so vivid, like hallucinations of me killing myself, those have stayed. I don’t know what do do with my anger, with my life, now that my angel has left.