Hey everyone. Don’t really know how to start a post like this, so I’ll just jump into the backstory.
I’m not the healthiest person, at all. I’m extremely lazy and also don’t care that much about my own body (and myself in general). Thankfully, this has gotten better lately and I feel like, maybe in a years’ time I could care about myself so much to overcome the laziness and care for my body normally.
I’ve never regularly exercised and while I actually enjoy being outside whenever I finally am, my laziness but mostly my shyness has stopped me from going outside more than I have to. I don’t get along well with my neighbours, my whole family never has, basically they’re drunk and racist shits. I don’t like being seen by them, but also not by any of the nicer neighbours. I’m also ashamed because, well, my lack of self-care does show on the outside. So yeah, for me to go outside more often, I’d have to take care of the self-care problem first.
Despite all that, I want to be healthy. I want to better myself in general, but right now my focus lies on being more healthy. I love food, both quite healthy food and a lot of unhealthy snacks. But, something that really bugs me is that my tummy shows. I’ve never been fat in my life, and I’m still not fat now, but I have a tummy. And I hate it. I want it gone. I want to be the absolute skinny girl again. It’s not much I’d want to get rid of, but it’s something. So I’ve made a plan, easing myself into being a little more healthy step by step. There are two rules for now: a push-up a day, and limiting unhealthy snacks to one little bit a day.
The problem is, I’ve gotten so fixated on the idea that because I’m at home getting no exercise all day, I have to limit my food intake by a lot, I feel like the line between being absolutely hungry, and not hungry at all, is blurred. I’ll sometimes sit here feeling no hunger at all, and a minute later I realise I’m starving. I wanted to listen to my hunger more, not eating more than my stomach tells me it needs, but somehow I fucked that up. I can’t tell hunger anymore until I’m extremely hungry. And it’s scary, it’s really scary.
I think what I want with this post is just some support, maybe some advice at how I could have done things better, but mostly just support.
If you need to know, I’m 16 in a week.