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I’ve been struggling to make friends, wake up to school, get a job and pretty much interact with other people. I’m 21 and it’s been three years since I had a partner (the only one I’ve had in my life) and I feel too ugly and insecure to date… I also tend to shut down when people ask me out. When I’m in class I try to participate but my heart accelerates with the sole idea of raising my hand. I still have friends though, just a few and they know I’ve never had sex so I feel quite uncomfortable when they talk about their experiences and how much I’m missing. I want to get better and I know I need to, but I’m already too tired to keep on trying. I have had panick attacks, I feel people judging me and I feel miserable almost all day. I found out they offer counseling at my school but I’m too afraid to talk about it with anyone… I really don’t know what to do
I have had this feeling of forgetting something for the past 2.5 months and it is driving me insane. More specifically I have this notion in my head that some unknown expense is going to hit my bank account and complicate things for myself.
I have made excel spreadsheets, combed through months of my financial records, and nothing jumps out as a surprise. I’ve compiled a list of every bill and recurring expense I have and again, nothing shows that I have ANYTHING to worry about. I’ve read over these lists and excel files thousands of time thinking I will get peace in numbers. Every hour minutes of my time are wasted thinking about this and my brain just seems to go in circles. NOTHING will give my brain peace of mind to shut these intrusive thoughts out. EVERYTHING on paper shows i have nothing to worry about by my brain is choosing to believe otherwise. I thought this could just be anxiety, but i can deal with my anxiety in the past. I dont know what this is……..
I mean nothing. I’m a jerk. An addict. A schizophrenic. I have anger issues. People don’t usually like me because they either see this shy idiot stumbling over her words, a needy trainwreck always seeking love and approval, a paranoid piece of trash that’s annoying to be around, or a lazy, unmotivated bag of excuses that rarely gets out of bed unless it’s for work in the morning.
At least if I surrender my organs, I can benefit someone else. I can help several people, actually. I’m barely using any of this stuff the way that I should, but according to my doctor, I’m still reasonably healthy.
How can I give up my less-used organs while I’m still alive? Do I have to die first, or can I just go sell them somehow? My family could benefit from the money, at least, both for the organs and/or for the life insurance policy. I think that’s how this works.
Somewhat frequently, life doesn’t feel real to me. I know it’s real, but it feels like a dream. I feel a disconnect.
Other times, I have inner conflict and turmoil in trying to figure out who I am. I feel like I have no real identity outside of being the funny guy.
Around people, I people please and go out of my way to try to help people out. I’ll give people money, possessions, and help them do things. At the end of the day though, I’m all alone. I’ll reach out and people will ignore me. Even my closest “friends” will constantly take shots at me in the form of insults and I’ll just take it in stride and laugh. I’ll even sympathy laugh if something isn’t funny.
I feel like people will use me for what I’m worth, but they don’t respect me because I am so much of a people pleaser. I want to improve and be my genuine true self around others…but I don’t even know who my true self is. I feel multiple sides of myself fighting for control. Whether it’s the “chill and laid back” guy or the super aggressive “no excuses for failure” guy.
Women blow me off and I’ve only had a handful of relationships. For a while I rode the Red Pill train and it somewhat worked. I don’t agree with the overall philosophy, but certain aspects such as being assertive and calling people on their shit has provided me with more opportunities. I hopped off that train because the Red Pillers overall are toxic and rely on manipulation.
My parents are Narcissists and completely destroyed any sense of self worth I had growing up and I spent my entire childhood striving to make them proud. Nothing ever worked and they still make light of all of my accomplishments.
I consistently have dark dreams and sleep paralysis. My dreams consist of me being tortured, murdered, screamed at, and ostracized. Sleep paralysis often has me struggling to breathe for several minutes as I try to force my body awake. Hell, the sleep paralysis demon/shadow people don’t phase me anymore.
I just feel so lost. This is my effort to not just laugh off these issues as I have been doing. If you read this far, thanks fam.
TLDR: I might be a little fucked in the head
Hello! I recently got my dose of XR Wellbutrin changed from 150 to 300 and I just took it an hour ago and I feel terrible. I was wondering if anyone can let me know if they had experienced anything like this and if the side effects like more depression, more sedation, and brain fog from upping the dose. I’m thinking about making an appointment in 2 days to get the 150 XRs perscribed again because I felt a very positive effect from those like less social anxiety (although I did have to face side effects for 4 weeks). Please let me know how long it took for the effects of the dose upping to go away.
I’m just so upset that I finally felt like my life was in control for 2 weeks now I feel like shit again
I’m scared of commitment, every time I get slightly close to anyone I find a way to ruin everything. I reject people so I don’t get rejected. I hurt people first so they don’t get to hurt me later but by doing it I hurt myself even more.
I guess it comes from insecurity but I feel like everyone hates me and unconditionally will abandon me. If people give me compliments or just act nicely I feel like they do it because they feel pity for me.
I fucking hate people and love them at the same time. I can’t accept affection but I’m so much craving for it. I’m scared that the smallest mistake will ruin everything so I don’t even try, I give up before even trying so I don’t have to deal with even the slightest possiblity of failing. I’m destroying myself and it’s all my fault.
I also have SEVERAL other “symptoms” such as impulsive dangerous acts(self harm, taking large quantities of medication, shoplifting, binge eating etc) I have very unstable relationships, my whole life I’ve been told I’m too “sensitive” and that my reactions are exaggerated.
I also have something idk if it’s a thing but “depressive episodes”, I feel quite anxious and depressed everyday but sometimes everything is extremely intense and my suicidal thoughts are screaming like never before and I do even more stupid shit than I usually would, every time “the depressive episodes” feels like the end of the world and like it will never end.
Hello there. I am a 25 year old male and I’ve had a history of maladaptive behaviors and a lifestyle I would consider not optimal. I’ve tried to discover what my problem has been to little avail.
When I was very young people would often say that I had seemed depressed at times, though I dont remember it too vividly. What I do remember is that in was a weird kid, ostracized for my oddness and extremely interested, almost addicted to learning pointless things. Every week would be a different topic to me ants to hurricanes to planets. I’d absorb all knowledge I could obsessively then entirely lose interest shortly thereafter, moving onto something new. I got to the point where I read several books before school in the library every day. I dont read like that now and dont remember why I loved it so much.
Because my social interactions were so embarrassing and I’d always end up having my words twisted by others in attempts to mock me so that they could seem funny, I eventually started to avoid all people. I know now it was my own weakness/shortcomings, my inability to be clever in conversation and stage fright. Starting around high school I developed a cold distant personality but still sought others approval. Was still a huge nerd but got a more cool/physically violent reputation after several won fights. I got my first girlfriend around this time and was more happy than ever. The feeling I had was nearly impossible to imagine now and seems like a story or dream.
At high school went on I immersed myself in video games to a degree which I can only describe as addictive. This combined with my coldness led to me becoming a horrible person which led to my then girlfriend leaving me, which I cannot blame her for. But it shattered me. I entirely disregarded my first two years of college and ended up failing out. The entire time i had several extremely close friends. Never the same people but always the same sort of relationship where we felt we were inseparable. Every friend I’ve had like that no longer will contact me or respond to my messages. No explanation either.
Became severe alcoholic and moved far from home state for next 3 years. Always hoping the alcohol would kill me unexpectedly. I thought I was suicidal but the truth is I didnt want to die, I just couldn’t stand living how I was. Moved back to homestate after ruining every relationship there somehow began blue collar job. Going to school now but slipping again as I just dont care. Now I have no friends, my family hates and feels betrayed by me. I don’t blame any of them. I talk to noone. I’ve developed good social skills and can be the center of a room but relationships evade me entirely.
Mostly I feel nothing, but with moments of extreme explosive emotions (mostly deep endless anger) where I feel murderous and like the anger has no limit. To cut things short I’m now taking meth and isolating and feel I’m fading away. I’ve tried therapy briefly several times in my life and also got on prozac. Like meth its usefulness faded. The only thing I seem to feel any joy from is violence, which is obviously unacceptable. I’ve tried to solve this but idk what to solve. I feel like I’m heading to the end and I just can’t bring myself to care about it.