I don’t know if this is the right sub, and if no one reads this, it is fine, but I need to get this out somewhere. I’m only 19 and I feel as if I’m wasting my life. Most people see that as being young and still having all of your life ahead of you, but I see it as having lived one fourth of my life expectancy and having nothing to show for it. I took a leap year from college and I feel like it’ll end up lasting indefinitely because I lack motivation to do anything to change it. Motivation is something that I find fading away no matter what it’s with. I have a long list of personal projects that I want to do and always start but I haven’t finished any of them because I feel like my motivation fades away and I get bored of it even though it is something I feel like I should enjoy doing because I always wanted to persue it as a hobby and career. I pretty much always have something to listen to, not because I don’t want to be with my own thoughts or silence, but because I feel as though they’re too idealistic and will only leave me with the realization that at this rate, I won’t amount to anything in life. I’m not a sad person but I’m not a happy person. Usually I pretend to be happy because it’s what I feel most people expect me to be. It makes me look confident and it makes me look more sociable and approachable. I don’t really get joy out of anything be it solving a difficult problem or sexual experiences. Anything I describe as fun, I do so really blandly and even I don’t believe that I find it fun, I just say it because saying I don’t find anything fun would sound sad. I’m often terrified of my own mortality and what happens at the end of it. It scares me to think that there could possibly be nothing on the other side and that it’ll be darkness. I know I won’t care then but I am scared of it now. I tend to stay at home when I can instead of going out, not because I have no friends but because I want to spare others the awkwardness of having that one guy in the group with absolutely nothing to contribute to the conversation. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced the feeling of love, I’m not talking about with a partner, but with family. Though my parents often tell me they love me, I don’t feel any attachments and would prefer to be by my lonesome. With partners, I’ve only ever had bad relationships except one. And though she broke up with me because of other issues in her life, we’re trying to fix that relationship. Though I remain hopeful, nothing is guaranteed to come of it. I force myself to be hopeful because I feel as though acting optimistic will make me more unique, though I’m not sure how accurate that is. Finally, this is being posted on a throwaway account because I don’t want anyone I actually know to know who I am. I am scared that their opinion of me will change negatively if they ever found out how I really feel.
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I’ve spent the last few weeks coming to terms with the fact that, if I’m being totally honest with myself, the only person I can rely on is me. There is not one person that doesn’t see me as a “last option to talk to” route, but that’s okay. Despite all the lonely nights wondering why I cant seen to keep make/keep friends. I grew thankful. Thankful that I could always depend on myself, and that if shit ever went left I could always take every bit of blame for my own actions.
Just wanted to mark this part of my life.
He has commeth(!) back and I feel happy that it has.
I feel less pressured. I feel like I have “that friend” who is always supportive no matter what. He is funny and makes me laugh and have conversions with.
I’m not sure if you find this psychotic or what but I’m happy. After all these years that I can’t describe cause I’m already starting to tear up, I’m just happy that I don’t care that much around others when I have that voice.
“One can’t believe impossible things,” Alice said. “I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
I don’t know I did it right, but when I woke up this morning I somehow remembered to think of 6 impossible things and then act like they’ve happened. Not having trouble with work, etc. I think this would called visualization, which I don’t think Alice was doing. But this little blurb helped me to remember to visualize anyway! And starting a tired Monday on a positive note has made me way too cheerful at work this morning. 😆😆😆
I’ve dealt with mental illness most of my life, and a few months ago I got it in my head that I had just made everything up. I’ve never been properly helped and a few years ago was placed in the hospital for suicidal thoughts but never went through with therapy afterwards. My parents have never been accepting that I have issues and have always said I was just faking it for attention and to get over it. So i got it in my head that I had made it all up and I was actually fine. My father has always wanted me to join the military so i started the process of trying to enlist. However where I had been in the hospital I had to go and see if I could be cleared. I went to 2 therapist for letters saying I was in fine mental health and they cleared me. However I know deep down I lied just to get cleared. Now I’m having severe panic attacks and the suicidal thoughts are slowly leaking back in. But now I’ve fucked it up because if I go to either of the places I could speak to someone they will think I’m lying or something because of everything and now I dont know what to do.
I recently ran out of anxiety medication, and my mom doesn’t really believe in anxiety as a thing and is in no rush to get more.
I’ve always had an issue with big spaces, lots of people, and loud noises. But it increased tenfold when I stopped my medication, and now I panic whenever I’m at school. Most of my classes are quiet and tiny, and the office teachers let me sit in the quiet lobby during lunch.
But I have two classes with a teacher who’s very loud and in a very big room with many kids, they’re back to back, two periods in a row with her. I’ve started freaking out when I’m in her class, and once I even had to go hide in the bathroom for 10 minutes because I couldn’t reason with myself and started crying.
I don’t know what to do and I’m starting to hate going to school over it, is there a way to help myself calm down??
I struggle with ADHD and depression and am mentally exhausted from dealing with it. I have used alcohol, cannabis, and a couple meds prescribed to me to achieve vacations from my mind in the past.
I’m not asking for addiction help as I don’t believe I am addicted to anything, I can stop and start any of my vices at will and achieve long periods of sobriety at will.
More so I’m trying to figure out what is correct way to achieve this? I’ve been treated for my disorders for a decade and have tried everything under the sun but regardless, I still feel like I need a break from reality pretty frequently.
Any help you can offer is greatly appreciated.
No, this isn’t about feeling no emotions. I weep over small things. I lash out at inconvieniences. I could jump when an unexpected person merely walks past me. Sometimes, I even laugh excessively. But 90% of the time I have the impression that they’re mostly behavioral responses, and internally, I feel way less intense, or sometimes I think I haven’t actually felt anything in the given situation (mostly the short-spanned reactions). For the past few months, I’ve been paying more attention to this. And I still get myself into thinking that I actually don’t feel anything, even when my throat hurts from sadness. I did mention it to a therapist, but she didn’t really explain any of this. Is this an indicator of something? Or just me being quirky?
Hey reddit. Well let me start by saying for the past 6 years my mental health has done nothing but improve until just 5 days ago. 5 days ago I was on facebook live talking about the death of a music artist and I was saying I was not okay. I didnt mean anything by it but someone called the police saying they were worried about my safety. The police put me in a mental hospital. This has flared up my mental health in a big way. (I went to mental hospital when I was a kid for a week). This recent time was an over night visit because the doctor saw I wasn’t a danger. But since that day I have been afraid to leave my home and all I do is think I’m going to be locked away in a terrible hospital again. I’m not doing anything to be put back in but my mind wont stop this paranoia. I have also been paranoid to do normal things like go to work or see friends. I have been out of work since I left the hospital. I’m also afraid that I’ll be taken to jail for some reason( I have no clue why I’m making these scenarios in my head). I have never had a real diagnosis for anything. Please just some piece of mind or advice.
I no longer have ambition of any sort, my life plans consists of getting a job (manual labor, office job, etc.) even if I don’t want to do it. I see myself working until I am unfit to, and then die, I see no meaningful, or non-diaposable future for myself. I feel I am unfit for anything that I want to do, because, frankly, I have no marketable (or any) skills. I have lost my sense of humanity and I fear I cannot survive this way much longer. I am a 13 year old American male nerd who is the most average person ever (European, Christian, straight, cis, slightly overweight, etc.) Made on throwaway