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Chapter 1; The Spiral Down Being 35 years old and having the craziest last year of my life really changed me a a person. A person that always learns the hard way everytime. But the important thing is we hopefully always learn from our mistakes. Anyways being a auto shop owner, running a machine shop, and having someone else’s personal project car in my garage it felt like I had 3 jobs. I always overload myself with too much work and not enough time. That was how it went but I always made it work with long hours. Long story a lot shorter, I got involved in doing Meth. Didn’t help the my dealer was a neighbor across the street. Me trying to get everything done, got involved in meth and this story is how it ruined my life. But not just the drug. It was also the idea I had come up with on the drug that made everything in my life a lot harder. My idea of vaping meth and a formulated meth eye drop. I was successful with the vaping and a nice grape taste. I guess that’s why my friends would call me “The Mad Scientist” in my custom fabrication. My ideas were always a little out there and different. I knew I was a very smart and creative person but I usually kept to myself. I almost always demanded to know how something worked and how it could be made better. I took that theory into everything I did including these bad ideas that I had with Crystal. I was a different kind of user. Hence the dangerous but in my mind safer idea of vaping it. I always slept every night with my girlfriend in bed. Average of 4-6 in my honest opinion. I ate and I slept. I was a closet user and wanted nobody to know about my problem and spiral downward from use. I was very functional and productive on the drug, but my quality of work got worse and worse the more I used. This is when I decided I was about done with the drug. This is when everything got crazy.

 Chapter 2; The Lab 

I noticed things getting strange as I tried to taper off my problem. Cars were following me. Car and Trucks most all of which had temperary paper plates and out of state license plates. Now I’m talking about people pulled over on the side of the road waiting until I pass them hop right on my tail. These were mostly nice cars and trucks. Being a ASE master technician I noticed little things about these cars that made them stand out. Because I would notice them again and again. If you ever watch someone that’s following you it’s very interesting how they act. I can’t explain it but it’s a certain look when you can finally get a look at there face and they look right back at you. Then came the nightmare. Auiditory haliculinations they call it. “Voices in your head”. Everything started with a slight voice of a girl crying. From there weeks later they came. A group of what sounded like 4 or 5 people in my head. Both girls and guys. They started then saying things like ” You messed with the wrong people and now your fucked.” They said things like “Your an smart mother fucker but you fucked with the wrong people.” They said if I didn’t do what they say I would be going to jail. They said “you have no idea who we are but we need a commitment out of you.” They wanted my to see a doctor, get rid of all my guns, stop smoking weed, and no more bad language and you wont have to worry.” It was a program. A “Meth Lab” they called it. They said I was such a smart motherfucker but my idea is dangerous and i messed with the wrong people. I knew right away, these voices are not mine. They sounded like the wrong people. Trouble. I then started carrying my gun on me all the time while at home just scared out of my mind. The sound of people that are about to get you. I know my mind and body so well and I at this point had been off it for about a month. I then thought to myself, these guys put some type of transmitter in me. I felt like I couldnt be alone because they were in my head talking shit at all times. It was some type of new correctional program. I got o scared and things started becoming mor apparent why they were following me. It was my ideas.

 Chapter 3 

Ok ran home and looked it up. It was the freaking guy. Looked up a little backround and the guy is involved in medical and law. I found a lead and as soon as I did guess what. The voices were sooo pissed. So now I’m feeling like im onto something! Here is the kicker. I get a hold of one friend and finally spill my beans to him. He then tells me he had a friend go through the same thing. I almost fainted. Then the biggest piece of info lands right in my pocket after that. I decided to talk to my neighbors girl and sure enough the guy got put away for dealing. But then she told me he had these terrable voices scaring the shit out of him before he went. My heart stopped. She beagan telling me all about it and I couldn’t believe it. It was the exact same thing that I had gone through and is still going through ever since I put the pen yo that paper. Now in my quest, Im off to jail to talk to him and see what really happened. These voices are still attacking me. But now they mostly just say ” Your going to be arrested,” or ” you just ficked up your whole entire life up son.” I just still sit back and laugh. They still follow me creepily, but these guys never do anything. They are just ghosts and hide behind there voice transmitter. But thats it. Im not scared of them anymore lol. They just keep following me in their cars and trucks completely tinted out. Even the front window glass. That’s the dead give away. Also the fact they were all temporary license plates or out out state plates. But then all of a sudden the super big bomb. I was always wondering how these creaps were getting into the Hidden Hills gated community. I kept seeing the same creeps following me around. While riding my bike around

Are they weak? Or only select those whom they know they can manipulate? If the masses see it why do they single me out?

I just don’t understand why I’m like this. My mind is loaded with contradicting thoughts and worries of what others think of me, to the point where I’ve become confused of my identity and others’ because I worry that they hate me. Especially those I like.

Lately for example I’ve been doubting my history teacher’s thoughts of me, because I want to be an historian, and he inspires me a ton.

It’s very irrational on my behalf because he always speaks very highly of me apparently , but not in front of me (but to other teachers that tell me eventually and my parents during meetings) Sometimes I worry that I’ll disappoint him.

He always feels like reassuring me though, because he noticed my rather insecure behavior ; yesterday out of the blue, he just approached me and told me “Don’t be scared”. That reassured me — and I keep telling myself that to not doubt even more.

This doesn’t only happen with this particular person of course, but this is just an example to what happens. I felt like writing it somewhere.

Trying to get people’s thoughts on a mental health awareness campaign I’ve been working on for the past year that features people who have gotten through their illness and how. It feels like such a hopeless thing that I always search feel these stories but have a hard time finding ones I can relate to.

WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?

The news is killing people.

When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It’s called suicide contagion, and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates.

Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly.

With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival.

#ReportSurvival

#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn’t.

WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?

Why survivor stories?

For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That’s why they’re an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don’t take it from us, take it from them:

“Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.”

• Madelyn Gould, professor of clinical epidemiology at Columbia University and expert in youth suicide

“Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.”

• John Draper, Ph.D., executive director of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

“It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.”

• Mark Sinyor, M.D., Clinical Researcher and Professor at the University of Toronto

“Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.”

• Professor Patrick McGorry, former Australian of the Year for his services to youth mental health

“Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk.”

• Center for Suicide Prevention

“People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they’re the only ones. But they’re not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven’t been shared.”

• Shelby Rowe, a youth suicide prevention program manager for the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services

Don’t survivor stories already exist?

When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality.

Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways:

1. Relevance – Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to.
2. Quality – We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers.
3. Compelling Content – We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective.
4. Understanding – We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless.
5. Casting – Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied.
6. Link to Treatment – This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need.

HOW WILL THIS WORK?

For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen:

1. It’s nothing new: Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines.
2. We made it simple: We’ll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That’s one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy.
3. Broadcast quality: Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment.
4. Variety: With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story.
5. Pre-launch partnership: We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they’ll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow.
6. PR: A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts.
7. Legitimacy: Along the way, we’ll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps.
8. They already care: Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of.

With that, let’s go over how this works executionally.

1. Pre-Launch: The Stories

Casting

First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net.

Production

To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we’ll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to.

Partnerships

The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get.

2) Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival

Influencers

Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support.

Given this issue’s importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are.

Bring on the News

As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand.

3) Launch

Wait for it

Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action.

WHO ARE WE?

I’m Tim

I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm.

I know what it’s like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it.

That’s why this isn’t something I want to do. This is something I will do.

The Agency

My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis.

DO YOU HAVE A STORY?

We’d love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!

I’ve struggled with mental health issues my entire life & became sick of hiding it. About a few years ago I told my parents about my issues, and this year for my podcast series I spoke with a mental health professional about the state of mental health in 2020.

I wanted to share it in here because many people have reached out and told me that it helped them, the reason I made this episode is because I am sick of the way people speak about mental health. I’m sick of being treated like a pariah – when my behavior is more rational than the majority of the populations, I just hate being alive. Regardless, I am reaching out to share the episode with whomever may need it. I worked really hard on the episode & I hope you like it.

I understand if this post isn’t allowed.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mental-health/id1450336723?i=1000463794932

I’ll just be sitting in class, not really thinking about anything and then I’ll realize I’m bitting my hand and now I have a bruise. Or ill get my self worked up over nothing and just sink my teeth into my arm Yesterday I was walking up the stairs and suddenly got a surge of anger and started to scratch all of my body

I used to self harm before but it isn’t the same feeling as when I cut, it’s like I can’t control my body and my brain just makes me hurt myself for nothing, I am going insane?

Here’s my story summed up as to why I’m feeling this way. My parents met and had a one night stand that resulted in getting pregnant w/my sister and so on and so forth. They didn’t really have love for each other growing up. They just stuck out the relationship for me and my siblings. So we weren’t a normal family there were no really lovey dovey moments in my eyes. They had me late so I was the youngest. I felt alone. There was yelling EVERYDAY. I felt like I never had their love. As a kid I always felt scared leaving the house or if I was away from my mom I needed to be home. Growing up my mom turned into bi-polar/druggie/alcoholic so for as long as I can remember I would help her and clean her up when she was drunk and passed out. Or every now and then she would threaten to kill her self in front of us.Over the years things just got worse and it took a toll on me not being vocal about it and having to grow up on my own when I had family around me sucked. At 8 I would have cousins kiss me when I wouldn’t want that to happen. At 14 I was touched by my neighbors brothers and his friends without wanting to be. Made a report police didn’t believe me because it was 4 against 1. My parents didn’t believe me but they never would admit to it. At 20 I was kept inpatient at a hospital for self harming and diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, major depressive disorder and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). I got help and got medication but meds were too strong. So I stopped taking them. Took the herbal route instead. The anxiety in me feared the meds would mess with my head. I ended up in a horrible relationship. I was forced to have an abortion and he knowingly gave me gentian Herpes (sorry if TMI) and later found out in the relationship that his whole family had it and failed to mention it to me after I accused him many times and he made me feel bad every time blaming him. He was very aggressive and emotionally and mentally abusive. Now thankfully I’m out of that relationship. But after all that I don’t know if I’m having a mental breakdown or what but I can’t seem to be happy. I wake up with sever anxiety every morning. Trembling and shaking. I go to work and it doesn’t get better. This has resulted in me leaving my jobs because I can’t seem to cope with my anxiety. My family does t really understand my mental health situation so a majority of the time I feel really alone. Every day I think about killing myself but I get through it. But I don’t know how much more I can take. I’ve been doing my best to stay strong. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m crazy. I can’t hold a job because of all this. My mind won’t stop thinking and racing. Can someone please reassure me that I’m not crazy please? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t keep living this way. I just need some guidance please 🙁

The last month has been very very rough, we’ve had exams and other things have happened with family and especially friends and it’s left me at a very low point, to the point where I feel like I can’t take anymore and everything upsets me. Ik that sometimes you just have to move on, but its just not working and it’s sorta come to the stage of suicidal thoughts? Although not quite, like it will cross my mind now and then. Idk I get that people have rough times but it’s all just been ubareably hard and I feel powerless and just a mess. My physical health has taken a toll from it (not self harm) but being ill and its all been too much. What am I supposed to do?

Fireworks erupt deep within Broken thoughts sewn into steel phrases Drowning thoughts of what could have been Now ignited my whole body blazes Winding words around their shattered heart I watch and wonder why I want to watch them fall apart I never wanted to be the bad guy

I tore through every defense I want to be free, but at what expense? Why can’t I see? I’m broken

They call it Manic Depression But it’s my Transgression. Fixing me becomes their Obsession. But my Suppression. My hour over and I’m just another session…

Don’t try and be a savior There is no cure I’m cursed to live this way trying to keep the feelings at bay Its a raging ocean Tide ripping In a rolling motion Drowning me with every wave I submit to my grave

Bipolar they call me Broken is what they mean Up and down and round again Pills are popping People talking My life is falling I’m not myself again